Kiss and Tell
by camcalli
Summary: Friends should be required to share their sexual exploits with their squadron mates, right?


Luke walked quickly through the corridors of Home One, nodding his head occasionally in acknowledgment to those beings that greeted him or waved, but not stopping to chat as he might have under other circumstances. Unfortunately, he wasn't really in much of a chatting mood. He was currently on his way to General Rieekan's office to which he had been summoned, and he had a pretty good idea as to why he had been summoned. Really, it was rather surprising that it had taken this long for the General to send for him. They had returned to Home One

Wedge lifted his head up from his pillow as Luke entered their shared quarters.

"How'd it go?"

"Don't ask." Luke sighed, collapsing on his bunk with a groan, feeling exhausted in every fiber of his body.

"That bad, huh?"

"What do you think? Aurora and I were technically awol for several weeks. Granted it was on Jedi business, but that's a little hard to explain when I can't tell General Rieeken where we were or who we were with." Luke groaned, resting one arm across his eyes.

Wedge smirked. "Yeah, for all he knows, the two of you were holed up in some hotel room trying out a variety of sexual positions."

Luke briefly lifted his arm in order to glare at him. "Right, except for the small fact that _we're just friends_!"

Wedge waved it off. "Yeah, yeah. Heard it before." He gave Luke an evil grin. "I might even believe it if it weren't for those moony looks you give her."

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." Came the lofty reply from behind Luke's arm.

"No come back, huh?"

"I'm ignoring you."

Wedge grinned again. "You know, you've been drooling over her for how long now? As long as I've known you, at least. I can't believe that in all this time you've never even made a move."

There was silence from the other bunk. A significant sort of silence.

"Or have you?" Wedge rolled up on his elbow to consider his commander. Luke's arm was still covering most of his face, but the small portion that was visible was distinctly pink. "_You have!_" Wedge breathed. He sat up hurriedly. "What happened?"

"I'm not having this conversation." The reply was slightly muffled but still audible. "Can we just go to sleep now?"

The Correllian pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Shot you down, huh? Yeah, that's what I thought."

Luke's arm lifted and he turned his head slightly to consider the other man. "Seriously?" he asked mildly. "You really expected that to work?"

"No, not really." Wedge replied, looking slightly embarrassed. "I clutched."

Luke nodded. "Understandable."

There was silence in the room for several long minutes.

"Sooooo?"

Luke groaned. "Sleeping, remember?"

"Aw, come on!"

"Did you just whine?" the young commander asked his lieutenant incredulously.

"No! Well, yes." Wedge looked thoughtful. "You have to understand; I haven't had any action in I don't even care to think how long. I mean, it's not like there's a ton of females in the Alliance to begin with. And then, we were stuck on Hoth, where even if you could find a woman who was interested, it was too damn cold to do anything anyway. Remove just the necessary clothing could have you risking frostbite in a really uncomfortable place. Then, since you were off being all heroic, I was stuck in charge of this group of idiots masquerading as a fighter squadron. Who, by the way, require an enormous amount of supervision to keep them from doing something stupid."

"Amazingly enough, I am aware of that." Luke said dryly as he rose to turn off the overhead light before flopping back down on his bunk.

"So, you see," Wedge continued. "I'm kind of forced to live vicariously through others. And right now, that means you, since you seem to be the only one around who's getting any."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Luke waved his hands frantically in denial. "I didn't say anything about getting any!"

"Well, you kind of implied it."

"I did not."

"You did so."

"I did not."

"Did so."

"Did not!"

"Did so."

"Did not!."

"Did."

"Augh!" Luke face palmed. "What will it take to end this conversation so that I can get some sleep?"

"Well, you _could_ just tell me what happened with you and Aurora."

Luke opened his mouth and then shut it abruptly. "Huh. That almost worked."

"Damn it." Wedge swore. "So close."

"That was a much better attempt." The other man complimented him.

"Thanks, I actually planned that one out a bit."

"It showed."

Another thoughtful silence filled the room and Luke actually began to have some hope of getting to sleep some time before the morning's briefing.

"So, are you going to tell me anything?"

"No."

"Not even one little, teeny tiny detail?"

"Are you channeling Wes?" Luke asked peering at him through the dark suspiciously.

"You know, now that you mention it, I am noticing a certain similarity. You think maybe I've been hanging out with him and Hobbie a little too much lately?"

"Just a bit."

"Huh. You could be right."

Once more quiet descended on the room and the gloriousness of sleep seemed to be within Luke's grasp, only to be yanked away again by the sound of Wedge's voice.

"I supposed I could always ask Aurora."

Luke groaned and rolled over to bury his face in the pillow. "I should have just accepted Vader's offer. It couldn't have been worse than this."

"Of course, then she'd wonder how I knew anything at all, which would mean I'd have to tell her that you told me. Which, to a certain mind, might sound like you were bragging about your sexual exploits. Females tend to not like that." He added confidingly.

"You don't say." Luke replied flatly.

"Absolutely." Wedge continued. "In fact, there was the one time that –"

"You know," Luke said, interrupting Wedge, his tone thoughtful. "I wonder what, exactly, constitutes use of the Dark Side. I mean, does intent count? How about extenuating circumstances, like when, perhaps, a really irritating friend just _won't shut up_!"

Silence filled the small room, this time actually lasting several minutes before Luke heard Wedge sigh loudly. Then again. And then once more.

At the fourth loud exhalation, Luke couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh, for Force's sake -!"

"Come on, just answer one question: did you kiss her?"

"Yes!" Luke exploded, "I kissed her, all right? Are you happy now?"

The bunk creaked as Wedge flopped down on his back. "Yes. Now I can go to sleep."

"Finally." Luke growled, punching his pillow into a more comfortable position.

The room slowly settled into silence, the darkness covering it like a warm blanket. The only sound came from Wedge's slow, even breathing as he began to drift into sleep, a smile still playing on his lips.

Suddenly, something smacked into his face hard, several times. Panicked, he reached up to pull it way, blinking frantically against the bright glare of the lights that had been turned on, searching for his attacker.

He cleared his vision only to see the enraged face of his commander staring back at him, blonde hair sticking up, blue eyes glaring, the pillow he'd smacked Wedge with still in his hand.

"Now, _I_ can't sleep!"


End file.
